Samurai Sam

New year, new blog, still my same favorite video of all time…

How many in a Quartet?

What’s wrong with this picture? Anyone? Bueller, Bueller.

Mental Health Hotline

Thanks Pastor Matt

Gun racks and deer jerky

I went with Paul and his boys Parker and Will to a monster truck rally last Saturday night. Gun racks and deer jerky were the only things missing for the perfect redneck night.

Now I’m partial redneck in the sense that I like to fish, ride around with my dog in the front seat of my truck, go 4-wheelin, own a 12 gauge shotgun, and…well…that’s about it.

I am however partial metro-sexual too some would say because I have an eye for style, I am proud to carry a man bag, love shoes and jackets, love to cook good, elaborate food, and I typically sport a faux-hawk. I’m not going to link the term “metro-sexual” to any other sight for an explanation because they all make it sound like metros are borderline gay, which I assure you I am not. A metro is a straight, well groomed guy, with a good sense of style and maybe a few other stereotypical homosexual traits. I am only slightly metro.

Anyways, all that to say we were in the lion’s den of redneck nation Saturday and I was a bit out of my element. Nothing wrong with rednecks. I heart rednecks and they prove to be very useful in many situations. Plus, if we are ever invaded, it is the rednecks that will make the invaders sorry they tried it.

My “favorite” parts of the evening:

• how the monster trucks were actually just a bunch of full sized pickups on huge tires
• the way the trucks didn’t run over and destroy anything and basically just raced and did wheelies and donuts
• when the “crash cars” (which didn’t crash. just raced) came out one time with trailers hooked to the back of them for the “Trailer race of destruction!”
• one of the trailers had a port-a-john on it…
• Super Bob’s Airshow! (some guy in an old Buick who drove about 30 mph through an old Winnebago)
• the drunk guy that stood up the whole time throwing up a “hey!” with his right hand, constantly signing the rock on sign
• said drunk guy throwing one up to all of the boy scouts the announcer welcomed to the evening
• the announcer that sounded like Ray Romano from “Everybody Loves Raymond
• there were a ton of huge billboards for the dirt track sponsors. one of the sponsors was Vienna Sausages (only at a monster truck race)

And my absolute favorite part:
Our seats were numbered, so we were in no rush to get their early. We arrived and found our seat, and directly in front of me was a topless Grizzly Adams. Paul’s son Parker sat next to me. On the dude’s left shoulder was the most explicit tattoo of a woman I have ever seen (not that I have ever seen any actually), but it was just terrible. And it was right in front of us. When Paul and I both noticed it (which only took a few seconds) we decided to move to some seats with a better view…

All in all the monster truck bash was enjoyable. Plus, I beat Will and Parker in a burping contest on the way there in extreme fashion! Thanks for the ticket, Blogging King!

When words become weak

This is one of my favorite commercials of all time…

It makes me think about us as Christians. One of my favorite quotes of all time (don’t know who said it though) is “Your actions are speaking so loudly I can’t hear a word you’re saying.”

This tends to be the case a lot of times with those who follow Jesus, myself at the forefront. Our verbal message is that of repentance, restoration and relationship, but often our struggles with sin override our words. For example:

• how many times has our message of service been overridden because we drove by the guy on the side of the road or in the parking lot because we don’t have time, or we assume he’s scamming people?
• how many times have we neglected to show someone the love they need and hunger for?
• how many times have we canceled out our ‘everyone is welcome’ message by shunning or judging someone different?
• how many, because of lack of patience and determination to always get ahead, have we neglected to put in play Jesus’ “put others first” mentality?
• how many times have we failed to sacrifice for the sake of others because we don’t have enough faith to let go?
• how many times have we blacked out Jesus because we are so focused on ourselves?

Are your actions having a negative affect on the message of your faith this week? Are you canceling out Jesus via your lifestyle rather than pointing people to Him? Just something to think about.

“We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us.” -2 Corinthians 5:20

Pennies all around

Hilarious. Why didn’t I think of this? Kudos Office Max, kudos.

I hope my kids are smarter…

losing my mind?

So yeah, I’m pretty sure Alzheimer’s is already kicking in.  Here are two things that recently happened that make me think my mind is going.

1.  I recently bought a bag of whole bean Dunkin Donuts coffee.  Saturday morning I got enough ready for 8 cups of coffee (2 for Jenn, 6 for me).  I brewed the coffee, but didn’t put the pot in.  I realized my error after 7 cups brewed on the counter, floor and rug.

I was able to salvage 1 cup of coffe, though it was filled with grinds.  Ironically enough, the rug it spilled on has a big coffee cup and says “fresh brewed.”

2.  Paul and I went to Norwood Monday for a meeting with a pastor.  On the way, as we were entering Norwood from Albemarle, I noticed a blue sign that said “No Jake Brake Zone,” and had white lettering underneath which was too small to read from the vehicle.  We joked about it the whole morning because we didn’t know what jake breaking was, so naturally we went back to get a picture for blogging purposes.

Only, the sign was nowhere to be found!  We even drove back into Norwood just to see if we missed it.  It no longer existed.  So I think I might be losing my mind.  It is one of a few options.  Which of the following do you think is the answer?

• A-I am schizophrenic and was another identity named Daniel DeMago when I spotted it
• B-I have really bad eyesight and I mistook it for a “Click-it or Ticket” sign
• C-I made it up for some unknown but evidently selfish reason
• D-Someone took the sign down between the time we entered Norwood and left
• E-I look like David Hasselhoff, post-Baywatch years

P.S.-if anybody has ever seen the blue Jake-Brake sign going into Norwood, please let me know I’m not losing my mind!

Monster Fish

I got the chance to go fishing a little bit yesterday and you will not believe the monstrous fish I reeled in. I have never caught anything like it in my life! It will simply blow you away!

Click HERE to be amazed!

Click HERE for even more amazement!

I’m not even sure how I even hooked this little guy. But of course I ate him right there on the spot. What else can you do with a fish that small and cute besides swallow it whole? Just kidding. As always I threw him right back in. I named him Pete. Perhaps Pete and I will meet again someday. So long Pete.

My teeth?

Thanks Pastor Matt for the picture. Enjoy…

Top set only of course. If you lost both, you’re simply out of luck I’m afraid.  Can I just ask the obvious? How do you lose/leave your teeth at a craft store?

If YOU ever find an awesome picture like this, please text or email it to me so that all of the regulars here can enjoy it together!